The Prodigal Son
by actionman81
Summary: Olivia Benson gets a knock at the door. Her prodigal son has returned, but with what news?
1. Chapter 1

"Mummy! Mummy!" two year old Noah yelled. He seemed to always be wearing pajamas. Then again, at this time of the night, who wouldn't?  
"Coming, sweetheart" Olivia Benson rushed into the room. Noah had perched himself onto a wooden set of shelves and was precariously leaning over the edge to get something from onto of an even taller bookshelf.  
"Darling" Olivia scooped him up, "You could've fallen or gotten hurt. We talked about this" she gently scolded him.  
"Sorry, Mummy" he looked down in apparent shame-faced-ness. He pointed toward something on the top shelf of the bookcase.  
Just then, the doorbell rang, and in no time, Noah had hopped out of Olivia's arms and had raced to the door.  
"Hold on" Olivia reached the door just before Noah had grasped the handle. "Let Mummy open the door" she reminded him  
"Okay" he looked up at her.  
Olivia opened the door. She was taken aback, mentally and physically.  
"Hi" he smiled, his hands clasped together. Gone was the mop topped little boy, replaced with a young man who easily as tall as her, perhaps taller. Jeans, a dark hoodie, and a knitted cap made up his ensemble.  
"Did you miss me?" he joked, "Mum?"  
"Calvin" Olivia gasped, "come in, please" she wasn't sure what to think, but here he was, standing outside her apartment, her new apartment.  
She motioned for him to enter, and he did so. His work boots were covered in dirt, but Olivia said nothing of that. Noah stared at him.  
"I see you traded me in for the newer model" Calvin joked wryly  
Olivia flinched inwardly. She hadn't actively thought of how it might seem if the two ever met, and certainly not now.  
"Calvin, this is Noah. His parents died and I – well, I adopted him"  
"Great" Calvin sounded anything but happy  
"If I can ask?" Oliva sat on the couch. Calvin sat next to her, "How did you find my apartment? It's not the same one you might have remembered"  
"I uh—can I have a soda?" Calvin looked up from his boots  
"Sure" Olivia nodded and went to the fridge, "We don't actually have sodas" she called to him, "Would a juice do?"  
"Okay" Calvin shrugged his shoulders  
Olivia returned with a juice box, and handed it to Calvin. He took it and sucked it down in one voluminous gulp. "I uh—you're right, I didn't know where this place was"  
"Alright. It's also unlisted, for good reason" Olivia noted  
"Yeah" Calvin, "He told me"  
"He?" Olivia frowned, "Start over, please"  
"You know, the guy from SVU. Your friend"  
"Barba?" Olivia ventured  
"No, no, he worked with you, at SVU" Calvin shook his head  
"Fin?"  
"This guy was white" Calvin frowned  
"Munch?"  
"No!" Calvin sighed, "He was you—your – You know, Elliot"  
Olivia couldn't respond. There were too many emotions swirling around for her to do so


	2. Chapter 2

"Elliot?" Olivia managed to say  
"Yeah" Calvin nodded, "He texted me" he pulled a cell phone out of his pocket and showed it to Olivia.  
She looked at the message, "It's a burner cell" she sighed, "but this is my address" she looked from the phone to Calvin, "This isn't about him now. How are you?" she was genuinely concerned  
"I'm ok" he looked down at his boots  
"Are your grandparents alright?" she ventured  
"That's the thing" he looked up from his shoes to her, "My grandparents died a few years back. I was almost – well, in the middle of high school"  
"Are you ok, Calvin? You came here for a reason. You can tell me" she tentatively put her hand forward  
"Sure" he gave her a thumbs up gesture, "I guess, I got in some trouble, not really trouble, but-" he hesitated, "Hi there" he smiled at Noah.  
Noah grinned back  
"Let me put him down for the night" Olivia sighed, "Come on, my sweet boy" she picked Noah up and carried him to his room  
In Noah's room, Olivia tucked him into the twin bed  
"Calvin?" he asked her  
"Yeah' she sighed, "That's Calvin. I used to take care of him"  
"Calvin mummy?" Noah scrunched up his face in thought  
"Well" Olivia smiled, "Sort of. Calvin stayed with me because his mummy was sick, and then he went to live with his family"  
"Calvin one. Noah two" he held up two fingers  
Olivia laughed, "What are you thinking, my sweet boy?"  
Noah frowned. He pointed to himself, "Noah two" then he straightened his arm and pointed out the door, "Calvin one"  
Olivia was tired, even though it was early in the night  
Noah tried to make things clearer. He crossed his arms together and moved them side to side. Olivia finally understood. He was gesturing the rocking of a baby.  
"Do you want a big brother, Noah?"  
Noah grinned widely  
"Calvin is a good boy" Olivia smiled, "and you're a good boy" she kissed his forehead. She read him "Good Night Moon" and soon, the little boy was fast asleep  
Olivia returned to the living room, but Calvin hadn't budged from his spot on the couch. She sat on the couch next to him. They waited in silence for a few moments. Hesitantly, she finally broached the question, "Calvin, do you have a place to stay tonight?"  
"You really don't have to do that" he was quick with a response  
"Yes," she finally said after a beat, "I do. Maybe if I'd done a better job, you'd have still been here"  
Calvin stared in front of him, not looking at Olivia. He sighed, and fingered some of the toys strewn on the coffee table. He picked up one of Noah's toy cars, a small metal police cruiser, "I didn't understand" he still didn't look at her, "I was young, and I wasn't sure what was going on. My mum didn't want me, and all she did want was to be with her girlfriend"  
Olivia stopped him, "Your mother cared a great deal for you, and – while she did have her faults, we all have ours. She wanted you to be taken care of by someone. Your father did, too"  
"My father killed my mother's girlfriend. My mother chose her drugs over me." Calvin's sentences were clipped, informal, "My grandparents didn't know what to do with me. I was thirteen, but they treated me like I was three," he replaced the toy cruiser back on the coffee table.  
"I understand that it was a difficult time for you" Olivia began  
Calvin didn't let her finish, "Do you?" he finally looked at her, "Why didn't you do anything? Why didn't you fight for me?" Calvin didn't sound grown up. Inside, he was, at least in part, a scared preteen, even if he was a man on the outside  
"I did" Olivia sniffed back some emotions, "Believe me, I did"  
"If it wasn't for her going to jail, and what my Dad did to her girlfriend, maybe my Mum would've still wanted me to be with you" he mused aloud  
"I – I don't know" Olivia was truthful, "I liked having you around. It felt good"  
"Yeah" he agreed, "I liked being here, well this wasn't here, but"  
"I know" she smiled. Olivia stood and went into the other room. She soon returned with blankets and a pillow, "For tonight at least, I hope the couch is enough. We can work out something in the morning"  
"Sure" he smiled and removed his knit cap. Olivia stared. The brown tousled locks were gone, replaced by a short, almost military-grade, hairstyle  
"I know, I know," he grinned, "Its different" he unzipped his hoodie, but didn't remove it. He slipped off his work boots and placed them at the foot of the couch, "I promise- I promise that I'm the same Calvin"  
"I know you are" she handed him the pillow and set about to make up the couch. She placed the blankets at the foot of the couch, folded on and placed it on the armrest, and unfurled the other blanket, laying in an accordion pattern so Calvin could pull it over himself, should he need to.  
They said goodnight to each other, and Olivia shut the living room light and let Calvin settle in for the night. She walked back to her bedroom and shut the door behind her. She walked over to her dresser and opened the top drawer. Among the mementos and paperwork that took up the space, she found a folded sheet of paper. She unfolded it and stared long, and longingly at it. Depicted in crayon and marker, was herself, wielding a gun. The then young artist had signed it, not with his name, but rather, the name he'd chose for himself,  
Calvin Benson.


	3. Chapter 3

Oliva woke up to the sound of Noah laughing. She shot up from her bed and was down the hall in a flash. She sighed in relief at the sight before her. Calvin sat cross legged on the floor, rolling a ball towards Noah. Noah grabbed it and tossed it back at the older boy.  
"Good morning" Olivia smiled  
"Hi" Calvin waved  
"Mummy!" Noah raced over to her and latched onto her leg, "Noah ball. Calvin ball" he pointed to where Calvin sat  
"Oh, you guys were playing ball? That's great" she lifted him up, "Why don't we get some breakfast?"  
"O's!"  
"Cheerios, huh?" Olivia asked  
Noah nodded  
"Come on" she tilted her head toward Calvin, "I hope cereal is ok"  
"Sure" he stood up, still in his clothes from last night  
"After I get something into this guy" Olivia began, on her way to the kitchen, "You and I need to talk, seriously"  
"Sure thing" he shrugged his shoulders  
"There we go" Olivia poured some cereal in a bowl. She then poured a second bowl and took out a jug of milk from the refrigerator. She placed everything on the table.  
"Up!" Noah called  
Olivia smiled and hefted Noah into his high chair. The cereal bowl went on the tray. Noah stared at the food  
"What's wrong?" she looked at her son  
Noah glanced around, "Calvin?"  
"Oh, he'll show up" she reassured him. The sound of the toilet flushing came down the hall, and Calvin appeared in the kitchen, "See?" she tousled Noah's hair.  
Calvin sat down and poured some milk into the cereal. He got up and put the milk jug back in the refrigerator. "What do you want to talk about?"  
Olivia switched on the coffee maker and sat down at the table.  
"You mentioned that you were in trouble. I really need you to talk to me about it"  
"It's nothing, really" he took a spoonful of cereal in his mouth  
Olivia sighed, "If it was nothing, you wouldn't have shown up here"  
Calvin stared at his food, "Ok" he still looked down, "It is- it's something" he began, "I – well, I owe some people some money"  
"Is that everything?" she genuinely cared.  
"I did some dumb things, thought I could make some easy cash, but it didn't work out, and now, and-" he didn't finish his sentence  
"Do you need protection?" Olivia was concerned.  
"Sort of" he sighed, "I mean- I" he stumbled over his words  
"I'll have to check in at work, but as far as I'm concerned, you'll always have a place here"  
"Yeah" he sounded like he didn't believe it  
"Calvin" she looked directly at him, "You know, you're quite grown up now. You must be eighteen"  
"Nineteen" he grinned.  
"Ok, nineteen. You're not a boy anymore. You're become quite a man" she paused, "I mean, you don't have to worry about anyone saying that you can't stay here" she recalled how a child protective services officer had pulled Calvin out of the squad room when he was barely recovering his ordeal between his parents and his mother's girlfriend.  
"Alright" he finally nodded  
"Good" she smiled, "Finish up your breakfast and we can iron out the details after"  
Noah had been staring at his mother and the new boy. He looked at Calvin, "Brother?"  
A wide smile broke onto Calvin's face, "You want me as your brother?"  
Noah nodded solemnly  
"Ok little guy, sure, I'll be your brother" he grinned.

After everyone had eaten, Olivia pulled a deflated air mattress from her closet, and dragged it into Noah's room. Noah clapped while Calvin inflated the mattress and Olivia brought in some bedsheets. "I'm sorry that I don't have a spare room anymore" Olivia explained, "but I hope this can do for now"  
"It's fine" Calvin smiled  
"Maybe later on, we can work something better for you" Olivia began. Her cell phone chimed and she stopped speaking to look at it. It was Chief Dodds. "I've got to go" she explained, "can you watch Noah today? Last night, I wasn't sure what would happen, so I asked Lucy to take the day off. She usually takes care of him while I'm at work, gets him to daycare. That sort of thing"  
"Yeah, sure"  
"And I don't have to tell you not to let anyone in"  
"Sure thing, Mum" he grinned, "I'll watch Noah, and I'll keep the fort safe"  
"Good" Olivia smiled. She knelt and spoke to Noah, "I've got to go to work. Are you going to be ok with Calvin?"  
"Yeah!" Noah laughed, "Calvin Noah brother"  
Olivia sighed happily. She'd never thought these two would ever have met, let alone gotten along so well. "Alright, I'll see you both tonight" she stood, "Calvin, make sure you give him something for lunch. There's some stuff in the fridge, and – oh, I need to show you how to change diapers"  
Calvin glanced down at the little boy, "I can manage. I saw reruns of Full House"  
Olivia shook her head and smiled. With that, she was out the door in a matter of minutes.

At the squad room, work was already underway. "Glad you're here" Fin handed her some paperwork, "We've got calls coming in about a woman left in the park"  
"And?" Olivia walked and talked as she made her way to her office  
"We're looking into it. Carisi and Rollins are headed down there. Melinda said she'd meet them"  
"Good" Olivia nodded, "I've got Dodds calling me, so let me take care of this first"  
"Sure thing" Fin backed off and Olivia shut the office door.  
Olivia dialed the number as soon as she was at her desk, "Chief Dodds" she began, and then listened.  
"Olivia, I'd been meaning to speak with you" Dodds started, "I know I said a few things the other night" he meant over a week ago, "and I know we talked about Mike, and me, and not being around SVU"  
"I understand" and she really did. It was unbelievably painful for him to have to walk into the squadroom and not see his son there at his desk.  
"Yeah, that. I don't know if you'd like—care to discuss this maybe tonight."  
Olivia wasn't sure where this was coming from, "I've got some things happening tonight, but perhaps we can meet today or tomorrow, if there's a break in the casework"  
"Oh" he sounded almost dejected  
"I had fostered a young boy a few years ago, and he showed up. We're just getting back into –" she struggled with explaining things to Dodds.  
"No no, I understand. Family, and all that" he sounded genuinely concerned and understanding  
"Right" she nodded, "I guess I have my hands full at home just now"  
"Absolutely" he agreed, "I'll try to come by tomorrow, to the precinct"  
"I guess I'll see you tomorrow" she conceded. They exchanged quick goodbyes and ended the call.  
No sooner had she hung up, when Fin tapped on the door and entered, "I didn't want to bother you, but Rollins and Carisi came back with some information"  
"Let's have it" she stood up, businesslike again.

That evening, Olivia trudged through the door. She wasn't sure what to expect. Thankfully, the apartment was quiet.  
She locked the door, then dropped her handbag on the floor.  
Quiet.  
Too quiet.  
"Calvin?" she called  
No answer.  
"Noah?"  
Still, nothing.  
Olivia drew her pistol in readiness, then walked down the hallway to the spare bedroom. She smiled and holstered her firearm.  
Calvin lay on the floor, a picture book in his hands, fast asleep.  
Noah, still in his play clothes, lay next to Calvin, also asleep.  
Calvin's phone lay on the floor. Olivia picked it up, with the intention of putting it on a shelf, out of Noah's reach. She touched one of the side buttons and inadvertently unlocked the screen. She stared at what Calvin had been reading about.  
Her.  
Namely, Lewis' attack on her, her kidnapping, and his subsequent death.  
As if on cue, he mumbled in his sleep and rolled over.  
Calvin opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling.  
"Calvin" Olivia began, softly  
"Oh, hey" he grinned at her, "You're back" he slowly eased himself into a sitting position. "Caught any bad guys?"  
"We're working on that" Olivia nodded, recalling the work the team had put in that day. The case was nowhere complete, though.  
Calvin rubbed some sleep from his eyes.  
"Here's your phone" she handed it back to him. He saw the screen was unlocked.  
"I read about what happened" Calvin began, "I'm sorry" he was talking about Lewis  
"It's ok"  
"Maybe, maybe I could've helped"  
"You're helping now" she smiled, "by being here"  
"I guess" he shrugged his shoulders  
"No" she was firmer, "You are" she gave him her hand and helped him stand up. Then she scooped up the still sleeping Noah, slipped off his jeans and sneakers, and lowered him carefully into bed. One night without pajamas wasn't the end of the world.  
They walked out of the room together and stood in the hallway for a moment.  
"I know you had your hands full today" Olivia began, "but did you look into anything regarding a job?"  
Calvin lowered his face  
"It's not something we talked about, I know" she continued, "but as much as I do want you here, I'd hope you would either looking into furthering your education, or looking into a job. It's up to you"  
"What about me staying here?" Calvin looked crushed  
"Of course you can stay here" she smiled, "Let's see what the morning brings" she glanced at her watch, "Have you had dinner yet?"


	4. Chapter 4

Dinner was microwaved pasta and sauce.  
"I know it's not a home cooked meal" Olivia began, "but maybe if I have more time with-"  
"No" Calvin interrupted, "It's good, really" he continued, "And yeah, I do need to think about what I want to do. I can't just get by with a high school degree"  
"Diploma" Olivia corrected.  
"Yeah" he nodded over the spaghetti, "I was thinking, maybe NYU?"  
"It's a much better choice than Hudson" she smiled, "What were you thinking about working toward"  
"I guess I can show you this" he reached under the table and pulled out his backpack. He'd had it the night before, when he'd shown up, but Olivia must not have noticed it.  
"I hope you like them" he handed her a sheaf of notebook paper.  
Olivia read the handwritten missals. "Calvin" she beamed, "These are wonderful stories."  
He blushed, "Thanks"  
"Really" she looked over them, "and they're about—a heroine who –" she flipped through the pages, "saves herself?"  
"I think the world needs more strong women as role models" Calvin spoke candidly, "I mean, look at all the stuff you accomplished, right?"  
It was Olivia's turn to blush. Her face colored, and she handed him back his papers, "It's an honor to be your inspiration, but I wouldn't call myself accomplished"  
Calvin shook his head, "Are you kidding me?"  
"The work is never done" she sighed  
"Yeah" he nodded, "but you never give up."  
"I suppose" she mulled over the point.  
"But you did it" he continued, "You saved yourself"  
Olivia nodded, but said nothing. They finished their dinner quietly.

The next morning, Olivia dropped Calvin off at NYU's admissions office.  
"Do you have all your paperwork"  
"Yeah" he smiled from outside the passenger door. He leaned over into the open window, "I've got everything printed out right here, and a flash drive in my pocket, just to be safe" he patted his backpack.  
"You're sure you don't need me to come with you" she offered, "Lucy's watching Noah today, and I can spare some time from-" she rolled up the car's windows.  
"From catching bad guys?" he quipped through the closed glass.  
"That, too" she nodded, opening the driver's door.  
"Really, you don't have to"  
"Nonsense" she smiled, "I want to. It's not often that I get to walk you to-"  
"You!" the voice came from a few feet away. Olivia and Calvin turned simultaneously towards the sound.  
A teenage girl with dark hair strode up to them. "You're the reason my life is a living hell" she shoved Olivia.  
"Whoa" Olivia backed up a step and took out her badge. "Do you want to talk about this first?"  
"What's there to talk about?" she pushed her way into Olivia's personal space, "My mother had nobody to take care of me after your partner shot her dead. I made do with the best I could, until somebody broke into our apartment when she was at work. But I was there"  
"I'm so sorry" Olivia genuinely felt bad for the girl.  
"Shut up" she barreled on, "Where were you all when I got attacked? Where were the police when I was beaten within an inch of my life? Where you were when my mother came home and found me lying there?"  
"If you filed a complaint with the depart-" Olivia began. The girl cut her off  
"They said my boyfriend did it," she chuckled derisively, "said that it was impossible for a stranger to show up, and do all that damage, and that I'd have let him do it" she practically spat in Oliva's face, "Let him?!" she roared.  
Then, without another hint as to her action, she whipped out a large switchblade knife from her pocket. "No more" she lunged forward. Olivia turned to the side, narrowly missing the knife's blade piercing her abdomen. Unfortunately, the thrust hit her in her side. Her right side. The knife dug in. The girl pushed harder now, until only the handle was visible.  
"Oh god" she jumped backward, nearly falling over. She covered her hands with her face, seeing her handiwork. Olivia had already begun bleeding profusely from the wound.  
Calvin reached his hand out to remove the knife. Olivia;s eyes grew large, "No, don't take it out" she instructed, "Call nine one one, now!"  
Calvin did as he was instructed. He shoved her phone into his jeans pocket and turned to the girl, who stood there, frozen. He turned on her, "What did you do?" he shouted, "My Mum is going to die because of you" he shook her by the shoulders. "What is wrong with you?" he glanced back at Olivia. His breathing quickened, "I can't lose her again. I just can't."  
A black and white unit and an ambulance pulled up. By now, only a few minutes had passed, but Olivia was quickly bleeding out. Calvin had knelt and was furiously trying to keep the blood soaked by using his hoodie. It was ruined, but he didn't care.  
Officers took the girl into custody. Kristen Connors, one uniform noted. Calvin tried to hold Olivia's hand as her gurney was loaded into the ambulance.  
"You can't go with her" the technician frowned at him.  
"I'm her son" he retorted.  
Olivia nodded weakly. Calvin climbed in.  
The vehicle sped off. Olivia opened her mouth to speak, but the medic put an oxygen mask over it. She mumbled something as her eyes closed.  
Calvin numbly held her phone, unsure of what to do. Who could he call? Who could he let know she was practically dying now?  
He removed the phone and scrolled through the contacts. Amanda? Who's that? Carisi, Dodds- the names didn't make sense to him. Tutuola. He could call Fin.  
Calvin nearly pressed the Send button, but another name was at the top of the list, since it started with a preceding letter. He scrolled up. Higher. Farther. Until he could see the name.  
He pressed Send.  
The call went out,  
"Elliot"


	5. Chapter 5

Olivia Benson went in and out of consciousness. Bouts of wakefulness were bisected by lucid dreams, nightmares and – perhaps something more. She truly wasn't sure. Faces loomed in front of hers, Calvin's, Noah's, doctors and nurses, and even Elliot.  
Olivia opened her eyes. It hurt. Everything hurt. The room came into focus, white, sparse, devoid of any familial touches. She tried sitting up, but the pain was excruciating. She lay back down.  
The door opened, and a young male nurse pushed a tray through the room, "Good, you're awake" he smiled, "Your son was quite worried for you"  
"My?" Olivia strained to sit up  
"Hold on" the nurse slipped a second pillow behind Olivia's back, "Slowly now, don't want to pop those stitches"  
Calvin lay curled up on a chair, his boots on the floor, his socked feet and jean covered knees tucked up under his arms.  
"Yes" Olivia nodded weakly and smiled, "That's my son" her voice was barely a whisper  
"Well, I'll let him sleep" he motioned towards Calvin, "but here's some ice chips, and if you feel up to it, some water" he turned to leave her, but stopped at the door, "I'll let the doctor know you're awake so she can speak with you"  
"Of course' Olivia's voice was hoarse.  
A few minutes later, the doctor did indeed enter. Calvin stirred and woke up, pulling himself into an upright sitting position. He looked haggard. The doctor briefly smiled at him, "Good afternoon"  
"Hey" he mumbled a greeting.  
"Hi" she smiled at Olivia, "I'm Dr. Rodgers"  
Olivia nodded. She knew fully well who it was. Talk about a blast from the past.  
"I wish we could've met under better circumstances" she began, "but at any rate, it's good to see you again, Olivia". She started her explanation, "A quick recap of the procedure you've undergone. You were rushed in with a perforated kidney from a stab wound, and we had to do emergency surgery on the organ. Unfortunately, your other kidney was partially obstructed. The decision was made for a transplant. We were extremely lucky to be able to find one on such short notice"  
Olivia looked confused.  
"You have a very astute son" the doctor explained, "he called up – well," she smiled, "he found a match in record time"  
Olivia looked from the doctor to Calvin, who sat sleepily in the chair, his elbow propped on the armrest, his chin in his open hand.  
"No no" the doctor informed, "Unfortunately, your son wasn't a match, but he found someone who was"  
Olivia smiled weakly  
"You'll still need to stay here overnight. Let's start with ice chips and water, and I can have a rush on dinner put in" she winked, "for a former colleague." she picked up a pad and pen from the counter in the room, "Until your voice is fully recovered, this might help" she placed them on Olivia's lap, "I've got to see another patient, but I'll see if I can help your stay be a little easier" she patted Olivia's hand, the one without the IV running into it.  
With that, she left the room.  
Olivia scribbled something onto the page and pushed it toward Calvin. He stood and read the paper.  
"Noah? He's fine" he smiled, "Lucy is there, and I can go home now, but I didn't know – I mean, I wanted you to be ok first before I went to do something else"  
Olivia smiled at him. He acted more like her son than anyone else she'd know, other than young Noah. She waived him away with a hand, meaning, go ahead, go.  
Calvin nodded, and placed her cell phone on the tray with the ice chips. It was in easy reach for Olivia. "I'll go home" he explained, "If you need anything, really anything, call me. I'll go relieve Lucy and take care of Noah."  
Olivia scratched out a word on the pad, "College"  
Calvin sighed, "I can do that later, you're important"  
Olivia shook her head sideways and pointed at him.  
"Yeah" he grinned, "I know I'm important. Look, just for tonight, ok. Once I know – once you're- I'll get to it, I promise" he shoved his hands in his jeans pockets. This answer seemed to satisfy Olivia. She nodded her approval and Calvin turned and left her alone.  
Olivia sighed and picked up her cell phone. At the least, she could tell Fin to act in her absence, somehow. She scrolled through the call log, and her finger stopped at the first one, Elliot.

Calvin stood for the lift and waited at it made its way to the floor. Two blonde teenagers made their way toward him, a boy and girl, about his own age. "Hey" he nodded.  
"Hey" they replied almost in unison. Well, the boy responded. The girl stayed silent, but she nodded as well.  
"I never really know what to say here" Calvin started  
"Yeah" the boy replied, "It's difficult. Our dad had to come in today"  
"I'm sorry" Calvin genuinely felt bad, "My Mum got hurt and – I'm just worried"  
The girl reached out and patted Calvin's arm. She smiled at him.  
The lift arrived and everyone got in. The boy pressed the ground level, "We got to get back to campus, Liz" he spoke to the girl, "I don't know what's going to happen now"  
Calvin noticed a NYU sticker on the girl's cell phone, clutched in her hand.  
"I'm sorry, are you headed to NYU?" Calvin ventured.  
"Yeah, the boy looked back at him, "What about it?"  
"I'm enrolling"  
"A little late for that, huh?" he quipped back at Calvin  
"I'll just talk to the admissions department" he sighed, "just wondering so I get on the right bus"  
"Sure" the girl nodded. It was the first time she'd spoken.  
"Thanks" Calvin grinned. He stuck out his hand, "I'm Calvin, my Mum's recovering from surgery"  
"I'm Liz" she shook his hand. The boy kept his hands in his lightweight jacket's pockets, "This is my brother, Richard."


	6. Chapter 6

Olivia's finger hovered over the highlighted name on the illuminated screen. "What's the point, it's not like he tried to contact me for the past – what was it now- seven years" she sighed at the thought.  
An orderly entered the room, pushing a wheeled cart with a tray of food ahead of him. He smiled at Olivia, "Here you go" he sounded cheery. He placed the tray on her bed's mechanical table, really a metal arm that swung in and out, allowing a small table to be positioned in front of a patient while they ate or read. Olivia looked down at the food. Green mush in one compartment, something brown and crusty in another. A plastic container of blue liquid peered back at her from a third recess in the tray.  
"Your doctor will want to speak with you, now that you're more fully awake" the orderly nodded before leaving the room.  
Moments later, Dr. Rodgers reentered, "Olivia, It's such a busy morning. I've had to deal with a few complications, not with your surgery, but other pressing needs. I'd forgotten to give you some important information"  
"Sure, go ahead, doctor" Olivia nodded in acknowledgment while she peeled back the cup's plastic cover and eyed the blue liquid suspiciously.  
"Speaking of food and drink" Dr. Rodgers motioned toward the untouched tray, "We'll have a dietitian speak with you about creating a healthful diet to help you control your weight, blood sugar levels, blood pressure, and the amount of fluid your body retains"  
"Uh huh" Olivia poked the dry brown square with her plastic fork.  
"Regarding alcohol" she went on, "You don't smoke, do you?"  
"No, why?"  
"It's fine" Rodgers continued, "Smoking is something we ask patients to quit if they haven't done so already. As for Alcohol, alcohol and the anti-rejection drugs you're on may harm your liver if combined"  
"Of course" Olivia's body language showed that she understood the severity of the situation.  
"We'll speak more about this, and I hate to rush off now, but I've got to deal with another patient"  
Olivia nodded in acknowledgment, now taking a literal and figurative stab at the green mush on her food tray.  
"By the way, I do hope you don't mind my asking a personal question"  
"No, sure" Olivia replied, "That's my son, Calvin, and I have a young son, Noah, still at home"  
Rodgers smiled, "Wonderful, but that's not what I wanted to ask you. Sometimes, patients ask for loved ones, family members, while they're coming out of surgery. Your son was asleep when you were in the recovery room, but I did overhear you mention someone."  
"Yes?" Olivia wasn't sure what might come next.  
Rodgers leaned in and quietly asked, "Is the Elliot you mentioned the same from SVU?"  
Olivia nearly fell out of her bed.

Calvin arrived on campus, exited the car, a private driver, along with Richard and Liz.  
"Are you going to be ok?" Liz smiled at him  
"Sure, I just got to call about my – um- my baby brother" he fumbled with his cell phone.  
"Ok, see you" Richard nodded. Liz waved at him, and the two walked away.  
"Lucy, hi" Calvin spoke into the phone, "No no, she's ok. I had to do something at campus, NYU, but I'll be home afterwards. If Olivia calls, just let her know. I got to get the to admissions building before they close this evening" he listened for the reply, said his goodbyes and hung up.

Richard and Liz walked toward the dorms. It had been a long day for both of them.  
"I-" Liz began, as they waited by the entrance  
"Yeah, I'm worried about Dad" Richard was honest. The two hadn't seen eye to eye, and attending college had been another disagreement between the two, Richard wanting to enlist, and his father being adamant about college, despite the high costs.  
"I'm just glad that Eli was with Mum today" he referred to their younger brother.  
"She's going to flip out when she hears what he did" Liz meant their father.  
"I'll talk to her, not now, later. I didn't think I'd feel like this" he sighed, "Dad and I fought so much, and now, he goes and does this, for her, and –" he paused and stared at his sneakers.  
Liz patted his shoulder, "He loves her, we all knew it. Even Mum did"  
"I didn't want to admit it" Richard looked back up to his sister's face. Twins were supposed to know everything about each other, but he couldn't read her expression.  
"And you think Mum did? I think she's still hoping he'll change his mind"  
"No" he shook his head, "She knows. Him quitting put the lid on that coffin. I guess they're just different people"  
"He'll be alright, Dickie" Liz lapsed into her brother's childhood moniker, "He's got a whole team of doctors looking after him."  
"Yeah" Richard looked away  
"And even if you don't want to acknowledge it, he loves her, and I bet she loves him, even after all this time."  
Richard stared into the distance,  
"What if it was you?"  
He snapped his head back toward her, "What?"  
"What if you were married, got pregnant, or the other way around, and you were this age, today, with a kid and a wife and had to take care, and then you went and had four more kids"  
Richard swallowed out of fear at the thought.  
"And the woman you were with, who maybe didn't fit you or you didn't fit her, was there. But you met somebody else, later on, who did fit you. Then what? How could you live with yourself?"  
"God, you're sounding like Kathleen"  
"And what's wrong with that? She had to own up to the truth about herself, her illness, like grandma. Maybe you have to own up to the truth and come to terms with the fact that Dad loves Olivia. He's loved her for a long time, and today, today he finally was able to prove it, even if she doesn't know it was him at all"


	7. Chapter 7

Olivia fell asleep after lunch, both from exhaustion and the medication that dripped through her IV tube. A nurse opened the door, and gently roused her with a gentle pat on her arm, "Ms. Benson?"  
"Gnnhk" she frowned and opened her eyes slowly.  
"You need to take these pills, I'm sorry to wake you"  
"Sssalright" she slurred her words from sleep.  
"I'm sure you miss him"  
"Huh?" Olivia looked up at the nurse  
"Your son, you were calling for him in your sleep"  
"Oh" Olivia nodded, imagining that she'd been talking about Noah, or Calvin.  
"I'm sure your Elliot is a very good boy, worrying about his mother like that" she smiled at the sergeant.  
Olivia wasn't sure how to respond. Her mind whipped back to her undercover work tracking Eco-terrorists. She'd called out Elliot's name then, too.  
"Yes" she nodded absently, I must've been missing him."

"We're closing soon" the admissions office personnel frowned.  
"I'm really sorry. My Mum was stabbed today and I had to go be with her in the hospital"  
"Uh huh" he frowned at the young man.  
"I'm not kidding. You can call the hospital and find out yourself"  
"Take it easy" he shook his head, "Show me your forms"  
Calvin passed them through the slot in the Plexiglas window.  
"Ok" the man nodded finally, having shuffled through the papers, "The site's down, and it'll take some time to go through these"  
"About- um- how long will it be?"  
"What do you I look like, a fortune teller?" he snapped  
"Sorry" Calvin sighed  
"You'll hear back from us in a week or so" the man glanced down at the sheet, "What is this, you're not a married woman?"  
"I'm sorry, what?"  
"This" the man held up the sheet to the clear window, "Under aliases, you wrote down Calvin Arliss" he frowned, "Is that your name or not?"  
"No" he shook his head, "Now I'm Calvin Benson" he grinned.

"What do you mean he doesn't know?" Dickie frowned  
"Oh god, we're twenty four, but you're dense" Elizabeth sighed and turned away from her brother.  
"No, really" Dickie persisted, "Dad even said she'd know somehow"  
"He thinks that" she finally turned around and faced him, "they were incredibly close for twelve years, and then -" she faltered for the words, "You know what happened"  
Dickie remembered. They all remembered, well, except Eli, but he was very young then.

2011

"Are you insane?" Kathy Stabler screamed at Elliot, "Why, why would you go and do a thing like this, just when we need money the most?"  
"I didn't know what else to do" Elliot shouted back, "It's another mark on my file, Tucker would ride my ass until I'd explode and I can't take it anymore"  
"Oh, so it's fine to explode with me, but not at work. God, why don't you cry about it to your precious Olivia"  
"You leave her out if it"  
"You couldn't leaver her alone if your life depended on it"  
"That's not fair" Elliot shot back, "You don't know everything about that night" he referred to an undercover case where he was shot by one of the perpetrators. That had happened a few years ago, in 2008. It seemed like ages ago. Olivia had rushed to his side, or maybe he'd dreamed that.  
"I don't want to talk about this right now" he stalked off to the bedroom. Kathy stood in the living room, fuming  
"Don't you dare walk away from me! This isn't over. What am I supposed to do, what are we supposed to do about money?"  
Elliot returned, a valise in his hand, his clothes changed from his shirt and tie to jeans and a t-shirt, a denim jacket over that. "I need to clear my head and think"  
"With a bag?" Kathy scowled, "You're running back to her, aren't you?"  
He stopped and stared her dead in the eye, "No. I will not have you put ideas like that in my children's heads, let alone entertain anything like that, at all"  
Kathy shivered. She glared at him. "So just like that, you're leaving us?"  
"No" he stopped in the open doorway, "I need some time, that's all. For god's sake, I shot a girl today. Don't you get that?"  
Kathy stood there as Elliot walked off into the night.

In the present day, Dickie and Elizabeth sat in her dormitory room. They'd been at NYU for five years now, taking a break after high school and then enrolling.  
Dickie struggled though a textbook  
"Aren't you glad we did this, instead of that military crap you wanted" Elizabeth mused.  
"Shut up" he glanced up  
"That was Dad, too, you know" she made her point  
"Yeah" he didn't look up this time  
"I know what he did" she continued  
"What do you possibly know?" he frowned at her, "It's been nearly ten years"  
"We're family, the same way we know about Kathleen and Grandma"  
"I got this exam coming up" he went back to the book, "leave me alone"  
"It's my room" she retorted  
"Just because you and your girlfriend live here doesn't mean that you can kick me out"  
"Actually, it does" she corrected him, "and when Andrea shows up, you'll have to go back to your apartment"  
"But"  
"Dickie!" she frowned, "Richard" she went on, "I have a life too. Just because you're in an exit level class, doesn't mean you can boss me around like you did when we were nine. You want to go do something, go bother that kid Noah."  
"Hey, you smiled at him"  
"I smile at guys all the time" she smirked, "Doesn't mean I'm going home with them"

Olivia's car was still impounded after she'd had to leave it at the university, so Noah took the bus home. It wasn't ideal, but he was used to it. Neither of his grandparents could drive far, especially near the end of their lives, and he'd become accustomed to getting around on his own. He hefted his backpack on his shoulders and exited the bus when it reached the stop. He trudged down the sidewalk until he reached the apartment complex. The lift ride up to her floor was surprisingly fast this time. Standing outside her apartment, Calvin dug into his pocket, but then realized that he didn't have a key. Olivia hadn't given him one, and her key would surely be with her other effects back at the hospital. He'd handed her her phone, but that was all he'd had with him. He pulled his own cell phone out of his other pocket, but looked in dismay as the battery light flashed, indicating a low charge. Without another option, he simply knocked on the door.  
An eyeball stared back at him through the peephole. "Who are you?" a female voice interrogated him.  
"I'm Calvin, I live here"  
"Wrong apartment" the reply shot back.  
"No really, look, Olivia used to take care of me when I was younger, and – um-" he faltered over his words. Apparently, Lucy wasn't buying any of it.  
A little voice inside the apartment shrieked, "Calvin!" and giggled.  
"Whew" the older boy sighed with relief.

Dickie Stabler slunk off into the night, after his sister's roommate- girlfriend arrived on the scene. It didn't really bother him, not too much. He just didn't want to hang around. He made his way back to his apartment, the one he shared with a few other NYU students. It wasn't too bad, a lot like being at home, noisy, loud, always something going on; he remembered another noisy loud night, seven years ago.

2011

Elliot had walked off, out of the house. Kathy slumped down on the couch, having shut the door since it looked like Elliot wasn't coming back, at least not that night. Dickie rushed downstairs. Kathleen had been at Hudson, Maureen had moved out long since, and his twin sister Elizabeth had shut herself in her room and barred the door once the shouting had commenced. Four year old Eli just howled. Dickie took his younger brother's hand and gently guided him back upstairs. The older boy looked down over the banister at his mother, sitting on the couch, head in her hands, sobbing. He wanted to tell her how much he hated his father, how much he was glad that dad was gone, He'd always believed that about Elliot, that the man had lusted after his partner for years and had finally made his decision. Of course, hearing Kathy's barbs and comments hadn't helped. She never took it out on the kids, but when she did talk with friends, over the phone or in person, it was impossible for the kids not to overhear. Only the youngest, Eli, seemed clueless, only wanting his father to return home again.

But now, now in the present, Dickie wasn't sure anymore. How could he hate his father, when he was just starting to understand that maybe, just maybe, his parents' marriage was on rocky ground long before Olivia Benson had showed up in the precinct in 1998.  
In church, Dickie remembered the parable of the prodigal son, who'd whiled away his fortune and then come back home, empty handed, and his father had welcomed him with open arms. "Maybe Mum's not right, and Dad's not right either, but maybe neither of them are totally wrong, too" he mulled it over in his mind. He remembered how he'd found out that Marueen was the reason his parents had gotten married, "You knocked up Mum?" he'd exclaimed one evening at his father's, after the separation, but before the eventual divorce that happened years later.  
Of course, the divorce. Kathleen had come home one day from the university, and had noticed something sticking in the mailbox. She handed it over to her mother, who'd read it. The divorce papers; Dad had signed them, finally. Of course things changed, and then Dickie's baby brother Eli was born soon after. In fact, Olivia had helped his Mum out, making sure she got to the hospital, keeping her safe. "If Olivia really wanted Dad, she could've done anything to hurt Mum, just to be with him" he flipped the thought around in his head, "Heck, I even accused her of that, because I was so hurt about Shane" he recalled the interrogation where he'd thrust the question at Olivia, "Ever sleep with your partner, Detective?"  
He remembered her emphatic reply. Maybe emphatic was the wrong term. Matter of fact, was more like it. She'd said, "Never" and moved on.  
Dickie stood outside his apartment and looked up. The sun was setting, and his roommates were partying, again. Maybe he should move out, get some friends who actually wanted to study, and get out of this place. It'd been six years, and both Elizabeth and he had struggled. He shoved his keys back in his jeans' pocket and dialed an Uber car. He had to be somewhere tonight, and it wasn't here.


	8. Chapter 8

"It's after visiting hours" the uniformed employee behind the desk was gruff  
"Please" Dickie implored, "It's important"  
"Uh huh" she grunted, "And you are?"  
"The son"  
"The son came in earlier today, and you ain't him"  
"I'm the other son" he quickly replied, "different father" Dickie grinned.  
"Eh" she sighed, "sign here," she pointed, "initial here" and then waved him on ahead  
"Thanks!" he gave her a genuine smile. He was growing up.  
Olivia was half asleep. Dickie felt bad about waking her up, but he had to talk to her, to make sure.  
She opened her eyes slowly as he pushed on the door.  
"Calvin?" she mumbled, "It's late. You need to take care of Noah for m-" she stopped when she saw who stood in the now open doorway. "Richard" she realized, remembering his change, a sign that he was maturing.  
"Hey" he smiled. There was no malice here, no sharp jabs or verbal barbs.  
"Hey" she struggled to sit up.  
"Calvin is your-" he started, and then paused.  
Olivia opened her mouth to speak, but Dickie went on  
"It's ok. I just really wanted to talk with you, and I felt bad about – a lot of things, I guess. When Dad got the call, he was – we were grabbing breakfast, and he dragged us along. I overheard, well, Liz and me, overheard what the doctor was saying. Dad didn't stop to think for a moment. He wanted you to – he wanted it to be- he – um" he stumbled over his words.  
Olivia peered at the young man. The words came out slowly, measured, "You're saying that he gave me his – kidney?"  
"Yeah" Dickie stood there, his hands in his jeans' pockets, and stared at his sneakers.  
The memory flashed before her. Elliot and her in a lift car, an elevator, the doors readying to close, and they discussed blood types. They shared a blood group, and could, in theory, donate organs to one another. The moment had passed as nothing more than what it was, a realization of how close they were, enough to help one another, but surely nothing more.  
"He did it" she grinned wryly, looking down at the blanket and hospital gown covering her body. She felt the incision, knew the scar was there. It was a reminder. Part of Elliot Stabler was inside of her. Maybe not the way she'd figured it would be, but still, here it was.  
"Is he here?" she asked, sounding a hair too eager  
"He's – yeah- sure, he's here" Dickie nodded  
"And he knows- of course he does" she smiled inwardly  
"That you needed the kidney, yeah" Dickie acknowledged, "You – um" he changed the subject, "You said something about Calvin. What – um- what does he look like?"  
Olivia thought a moment, "He's a bit younger than you, with dark brown hair, dark eyes."  
"That helps a lot" the young Stabler was snarky  
"Well" Olivia cleared her throat and stared him down, "Why do you ask?"  
"Liz and I ran into this kid, and we gave him a ride to NYU, and he said his Mum was in the hospital and she was recovering from surgery"  
Olivia's eyes grew wide momentarily, "Does he know who you are, how you're related to Elliot?"  
Dickie grinned, "No, but he's friendly with Liz, and she's cool with him, but no, we didn't know who he was and he didn't know us from Adam"  
Olivia mulled over this, how the many pieces from her life had suddenly, by fate or serendipity or maybe something else, fallen into a strange order, quite unexpectedly.  
"Are you ok?" Dickie seemed genuinely concerned  
Olivia smiled, "I guess I'm surprised that you wanted to see me, after all our arguments in the past"  
"Liz and I had a big fight- argument- earlier tonight, and she said a lot of stuff that made sense, stuff that I hadn't really thought about for a long time, maybe not at all"  
"You can sit down if you want" she motioned toward the chair that sat across from her bed.  
Dickie sat, "I always thought that my parents broke up because my Dad wanted you" he paused, "but there were a lot of things going on. I talked a lot with Kathleen and then later, with Liz, after high school, and – I guess I found it easy to hate you, because it gave me someone to pin all my problems on" he looked at her, "I'm sorry"  
"It's alright Richard" she smiled sadly, "Whatever I felt for your father, he – we knew we had to be professional, that the job came first"  
"Yeah, I know" he was candid, "he was like that with us, too"  
Olivia frowned our of confusion. Dickie explained,  
"The job came first, before Mum, before us, before the family, and like you said, before you, too"  
"There was a case" Olivia explained, "and I knew how I felt about it. A man lied to his fiance and hid that he had a wife and kids. I told him that loving two women wasn't an act of love, but of betrayal"  
"Because my Dad loved you and Mum?"  
"Because it was how I felt, how I still feel" she was firm, "Don't believe everything you read in Archie comics" she shook her head.  
"But, when I look back, there weren't signs that my Dad wanted to leave Mum for you" Dickie voiced his thoughts, "There were signs that they just weren't happy together. He wasn't married to my Mum. He was married to being a cop" he sighed.  
"I never tried to take him away from your Mum or you" she was honest.  
"Yeah" Dickie sighed, "I know that, now. It's just, it didn't matter. They still -" he made an explosion sound with his mouth and spread his fingers away from each other.  
There was a knock on the door, and a nurse walked in, scowling.  
"I'm sorry, Ms. Benson, but it's late, visiting hours are long over, and your son just has to go. He can come see you tomorrow"  
"My son" Olivia repeated and looked at Dickie.  
He turned to her and winked, "Yeah, same Dad, different Mum"  
"Yes" Olivia finally nodded, "He's just like his father" she glared at him with a smile.  
"I'll go now" Dickie stood, "If you want, I'll talk to Calvin"  
"It's ok" Liv shook her head, "I'll speak with him later, when he visits me. I'll be here for a few days at least," she paused.  
"If he gets accepted to NYU, it'll be good for him to already know someone on campus"  
"Sure" Dickie nodded and smiled


	9. Chapter 9

The door shut, and Olivia lay back down on the bed. Her side began to ache. "What the hell did I just say?" The pain killer drip had started to wear off. She frowned, "Who was that?" she tried to think back to what had happened only a few moments earlier. "Calvin, Dickie, Noah" she rattled the names to herself. Her pain rose in intensity and she pressed the button to increase the flow of pain medication.  
Her thoughts swirled together. Somewhere in this hospital, probably on the same floor, the same ward, was Elliot Stabler, lying in bed, like her, with a piece of him missing; a piece that was now, residing, thanks to some strong anti-rejection medication, inside of her. Something of his was literally keeping her alive. Olivia didn't consider herself a religious person, but someone must be laughing at her, somewhere. The idea that the great cosmic power, or fate, or happenstance, had thrown them together. She sighed.  
And Elliot knew all of this. Perhaps Calvin had called him; perhaps the hospital had gone through her phone and seen his name. "For all I know, Dr. Rodgers called him herself" her eyes lazily tracked the room, from one side to the other, as the medication kicked in.

In his own hospital room, Elliot Stabler lay in bed, and stared at the ceiling. Sleep was a luxury that wouldn't come, even with the medication dripping through his intravenous tube.  
"What's going on here?" he looked around the room. He wasn't asking the question literally, but rather figuratively. "I can't even go tell her anything for – so long, and now, I go and do this" he sighed.

Back at the Benson apartment, Calvin awoke to the sound of a small child crying. He looked at his wristwatch. It seemed ungodly late. Then, he remembered where he was. "I'm coming" he sleepily sat up in on the air mattress. It hadn't seemed right to use Olivia's bed at the apartment while she was recovering in the hospital.  
"Mummy!" little Noah wailed.

Elliot stared at nothing. Where was it? All his clever words, his quips, all the things he'd planned to say- none of it seemed adequate, let alone right, at such a time. "Who was I kidding?" he silently chided himself, "This is pointless. Time's gone by, so much time, and now, now it took something like this for me to show up and be there for her, when- when I should've been there for her from day one, like I always had" he frowned. "Who was I kidding, thinking that she'd welcome something like this, even though, God knows, I've been dreading this, something like this since we spoke about it" he sighed, "I don't even know what to do now, anymore"  
This wasn't like the old, decisive, sure of himself, Elliot Stabler, but now, right at this moment, nothing seemed like he'd hoped it would've been.  
In his mind, he'd have been in control of when he met her, no no, control is the wrong term. Elliot had always thought of her as his partner, equals, on the same level, on equal footing- and to simply get thrown back together like this quite literally and figuratively threw him off balance. Although, it could be the morphine dripping through the clear tube at his right.

Back at the Benson's, Noah's wails turned into shrieks, "Mummy!" he howled.  
"Ok" Calvin sighed and leaned over the twin bed, "I guess Olivia never mentioned this little habit of yours" he smiled.  
Noah stopped sobbing long enough to look at the older boy, "Mummy, want Mummy!" he began again.  
"Yeah, I know you do" Calvin sat at the edge of the bed, which wasn't more than a mattress on legs, "I miss her too, but she's very safe right now. She went to the doctor" Calvin explained, "and she's getting better now, but she's got to rest"  
"Mummy sleep?" Noah asked  
"Yeah, I guess she's asleep now"  
"Where?" he glanced around openly  
"At the doctor's" Calvin made up an answer. Hopefully, it would pacify the tot.  
"NO!" he shrieked  
"Well, there goes that" Calvin sighed, "Look, lay back and I'll tell you a story"  
Noah eyed Calvin warily. Brother or not, he wanted his mother right then.  
"Story?" the child carefully asked, wiping tears from his face, using the back of his pajama top.  
"Sure, lean back" Calvin gently lowered Noah onto the bed, "There we go" he nodded  
"Story!" Noah demanded  
"Ok ok sure" Calvin leaned back on the bed, next to the boy, "Ok, so once upon a time-"

At the hospital, Olivia drifted into sleep, but not a restful one. Memories plagued her through her dreams.  
"You know, we've been partners all these years- I don't even know your blood type"  
"A-positive"  
"How about that? Me too"  
"I'm your partner, for better or worse"  
"Maybe God remembered how cute you looked at a carrot"  
"If that sniper hadn't beaten you to it, I know you would've taken the shot, Olivia."  
"No, I wouldn't have. Did you really expect me to? Did you really expect me to cause your death? What about your kids?"  
"I don't know. I just couldn't get that boy out of my head."  
"What about me?"  
"Look, we both chose each other over the job. We can never let that happen again. Otherwise, we can't be partners."  
"I can't believe you're saying that."  
"You and this job are about the only things I've got anymore. I don't wanna wreck that. I couldn't take it."  
"No, but you're my partner. If anybody has your back it should be me."  
"You love him, don't you? You're forty years old, wondering if you'll ever have a family — or if riding around with him will be enough for the rest of your life. Did you really think he'd leave his wife and kids for you? You spent the last five years hoping he'd suddenly turn and realize you're the woman he can't live without."  
"Hi, this is my wife, Olivia, I'm Elliot"  
She woke up with a start.  
It was morning.


	10. Chapter 10

2011

"Are you insane?" Kathy Stabler screamed at Elliot, "Why, why would you go and do a thing like this, just when we need money the most?"  
"I didn't know what else to do" Elliot shouted back, "It's another mark on my file, Tucker would ride my ass until I'd explode and I can't take it anymore"  
"Oh, so it's fine to explode with me, but not at work. God, why don't you cry about it to your precious Olivia"  
"You leave her out if it"  
"You couldn't leaver her alone if your life depended on it"  
"That's not fair" Elliot shot back, "You don't know everything about that night" he referred to an undercover case where he was shot by one of the perpetrators. That had happened a few years ago, in 2008. It seemed like ages ago. Olivia had rushed to his side, or maybe he'd dreamed that.  
"I don't want to talk about this right now" he stalked off to the bedroom. Kathy stood in the living room, fuming  
"Don't you dare walk away from me! This isn't over. What am I supposed to do, what are we supposed to do about money?"  
Elliot returned, a valise in his hand, his clothes changed from his shirt and tie to jeans and a t-shirt, a denim jacket over that. "I need to clear my head and think"  
"With a bag?" Kathy scowled, "You're running back to her, aren't you?"  
He stopped and stared her dead in the eye, "No. I will not have you put ideas like that in my children's heads, let alone entertain anything like that, at all"  
Kathy shivered. She glared at him. "So just like that, you're leaving us?"  
"No" he stopped in the open doorway, "I need some time, that's all. For god's sake, I shot a girl today. Don't you get that?"  
Kathy stood there as Elliot walked off into the night.

Today.

Elliot thought back, now, in the cold light of day, or rather, the warm light streaming through the hospital ward's windows.  
He'd nearly done it. He'd nearly done exactly what Kathy had figured he'd do. He'd nearly run straight to her, to Liv, not for anything as base as lust or sex, but for companionship, for counseling, for someone to talk to. God, he'd needed her then. She'd been his rock, as much as any woman could be, for a man, who as it were, wasn't her husband.  
He thought back.  
He'd driven straight to her apartment, known the way there by heart. How many times had been there, or one of her apartments, for something simple like coffee or as complex as a heart to heart talk- no, that had been at his old house.  
He'd made it as far as the street outside, and had looked up at the steps, and had frozen. What could've he have said that she didn't already know? "Liv, I killed Jenna. I needed to talk with you about it."  
She'd have understood, she'd have understood everything he was feeling, but how could he do that, go dragging her into something like that again, when he had no right to do so?  
So he drove on, into the night, and ended up somewhere, far and away from Olivia Benson, but far and away from his wife, his children, the rest of his life. And that night, Elliot Stabler did something he hadn't done for quite awhile, not in that particular way.  
He buried his pain.  
Normally, he'd have run, or gone to the gym, punched a bag, or maybe even a set of lockers, just to get his emotion, his anger, his frustration, out.  
Not this day.  
So he sat at the bar, and ordered one, and another, and another, until the pain, the frustration, the emotion seemed to dampen, lessen, but didn't go quite away.  
What could he do? He couldn't very well walk up to her door tonight, drunk and reeking of god knows what, and profess – whatever he felt to her.  
"Run to your precious Olivia" he chuckled to no one in particular, "That's rich" he laughed, "If I go to her, Kathy will have won, and if I don't, then I lose" he slurred.

Today

"Where" a little hand pushed on Calvin's face.  
"Huh?" Calvin awoke with a start, looked around and then saw the toddler trying in earnest to wake him up.  
"What happened, little man?" he groggily asked  
"Where?" Noah repeated.  
"Where what?"  
"Mummy!" he demanded.  
"Yeah, ok- let's see about that, huh?" he mumbled. "I can't really take you there now, or can I?"  
The ring of his cell phone cut though whatever other thoughts he was about to make with his sleep addled mind.  
"H—ghh" he answered the device  
"Hi" the female voice sounded fully awake. What time was it?" Calvin tried to look at his phone's display readout, but she kept talking,  
"I'm not sure you know me" she prattled on, "You spoke with Elizabeth and Dickie- um- Liz and Richard, they attend NYU- anyhow, they called me and told me what happened to my Dad, and Olivia-"  
At that name, Calvin's ears perked up, "Did you just say you know Olivia?"  
"Yes" she was emphatic, "She's practically one of the family, well, not really, but some of us sort of think that already, and -"  
"What,- hold on" Calvin sat up in bed. He was still on Noah's twin bed, and had passed out after their late night storytelling session, "Who are you again?"  
"Kathleen" she sighed, apparently exasperated, "Stabler" she emphasized the name, as if it meant something important.  
"Like, Detective Stabler?" Calvin frowned, still waking up  
"Right you are!" the voice was chipper and bright, "Look, my brother and I, well, little Eli, and I are worried about Olivia, and of course my Dad, and Dickie told us what happened, and he said that she talked to him, and told him to check up on you, and I guess that's what I'm calling about for one thing, but the other thing is that-"  
"Hang on" Calvin swung his legs off the twin bed. Noah stood up behind him and thumped on Calvin's shoulders, "Hey, quit it" Calvin turned back. Noah smiled innocently.  
"I know I'm going on and on and on about this, but" Kathleen seemed to be going a mile a minute this morning.  
"How do you know who I am?" Calvin tried to make sense.  
"You're this kid that Olivia took care of, right? I hope I called the right number"  
"Yeah, a long time ago, that was me"  
"Good" came the reply, "That means I called the right person. I'll make this quick"  
"Uh huh" Calvin didn't believe that.  
"I love my Mum" Kathleen continued, "I really do, but she's not the love of our Dad's life"  
"Ok" Calvin shrugged his shoulders, though Kathleen couldn't see that.  
"Olivia is"  
"Wow" Calvin grinned. Some of the puzzle pieces were starting to fit together.  
"It's horrible that Olivia got hurt" Kathleen went on, "but my Dad could help her, and I really think this might be a good time for them to pick things up"  
"Pick what up?" Calvin didn't know Elliot and Olivia's history, not all of it, if any of it.  
"You're like my brother" she sighed, exasperated.  
"The little one?" Calvin struggled to keep up.  
"Well, they're both my little brothers, but Dickie, Richard, God, you're dense"  
"Alright" Calvin shifted the phone from one ear to the other. Noah was getting impatient and started bouncing on the bed.  
"Olivia and my Dad are in love with each other"  
Calvin just listened.  
"We've got to get them together"  
"This sounds like an old movie I saw once" he frowned, "with twins and-"  
"Yeah yeah" she cut in, "Will you help me or not?"  
"To be honest, I'm trying to find my place here, and I don't know if your Dad and Olivia are going to-"  
"Trust me" Kathleen implored, sounding confident, "My Dad knows you're a good person. You stayed with Olivia, and kept her safe and got her to the hospital. She's alive because of you"  
"And your Dad, Detective Stabler"  
"Yeah" she agreed, "Look, do you want her to be happy, I mean really happy, deliriously happy"  
"Uh"  
"You care about her, right?"  
"Sure"  
"Just get your butt down to the hospital in twenty minutes"  
"That seems kind of fast" he glanced at the energetic two year old who was in the process of disrobing right there.  
"Fine- an hour" Kathleen ended the call abruptly.  
"Whew" Calvin exhaled. He looked at Noah, who was dancing on the floor in his training pants and nothing else.  
"Well" Calvin grinned, "Let's get you ready. I guess you'll be seeing her after all"  
Noah clapped his hands with glee.


	11. Chapter 11

Calvin arrived with a squirming Noah in tow. The morning had been a battle between the sleepy teenager and the willful toddler with coaxing and bribes being waylaid by shouts of "No!" and stomping of little feet.  
Finally, they made it to the hospital, Calvin in his requisite uniform of jeans, a sweatshirt and his hoodie over it, and Noah, dressed in a loud printed t-shirt, over-sized denim overalls and mismatched sneakers. The normally dapper boy had apparently gotten away with wearing what he wanted today, instead of what his mother would've chosen for him, or rather, he was wearing what Calvin could get on the wriggling toddler and get him out the door in time to meet Kathleen for some sort of epic setup for his – for Olivia and Detective Stabler.  
"I don't need fresh air" Elliot Stabler balked. His daughter Kathleen pushed him in a hospital wheelchair  
"Nonsense, Dad" she kept him moving down the hall, "You've been cooped up in that room. It'll do you some good"  
"What will do me some good is getting me home, now" he frowned. Calvin stared. Detective Stabler looked vastly different from what he'd remembered. Age did that, though. Now, Detective Stabler had a grisly bead that was more salt than pepper, but he still commanded attention, even when he was seated in a wheelchair, wearing a hospital gown with a jacket draped over his knees, and a clutched, or rather, tolerated, a pillow against his side.  
"How about some coffee, that would help" he looked up at his now adult daughter.  
"You need eight glasses of water per day, and coffee isn't the same thing" she instructed  
"Bah" he shook his head side to side.  
Kathleen wheeled him right by Calvin and Noah. Elliot didn't seem to recognize the older boy, let alone the younger one. Kathleen though, slyly winked at him.  
Calvin knew what he needed to do.  
Minutes later, he was upstairs, in Olivia's room.  
"Mummy!" Noah shrieked happily. Calvin helped him stand on the bedside chair, worried that the toddler might rupture his mother's stitches.  
"There's my sweet boy" Olivia smiled, "Looked like big brother dressed you"  
"Hey, he picked those out" Calvin grinned, "Besides, I thought it'd be nice to check out the cafeteria, maybe the gift shop"  
"You really don't have to do that" she smiled at the nineteen year old.  
"Nah, come on" he headed for the door, "I'll just grab a wheelchair and-"  
"Calvin" Olivia's voice was firmer now, "I don't feel- oh"  
"What's wrong" Calvin spun on his heels, "You're not – are you alright. Maybe I'm doing this too fast" he thought aloud. Maybe Kathleen's big plan was happening, as he had just said, too fast. A kidney transplant wasn't something to taken lightly.  
"I'll be alright" Olivia smiled, "and maybe, maybe I should get out of this room" she looked around at her confines.  
"A little fresh air would help" Calvin smiled. He stepped outside the room and grabbed an unused wheelchair.  
Soon, they headed down the hallway. Noah on his toes, his hands on the wheelchair's push handles; Calvin actually pushing the chair, and Olivia repeatedly refusing any help from her two boys.  
Calvin steered the chair over to a large picture window in the hospital's lounge. It was a place where patients could relax, and had a number of tables and chairs where patients could play board games or read. A bookshelf along one wall had numerous titles.  
"Thanks" Olivia nodded her appreciation, but frowned, "Where are you going?"  
"Somebody has to use the potty" Calvin pointed at the toddler  
"No!" Noah shouted  
"Yes, let's go, before you drop a deuce right here"  
"No!" Noah yelled as Calvin picked him up and carried him out.  
Olivia sighed, and glanced out the window.  
"Kids, huh?" a familiar voice next to her spoke.  
Olivia looked over to her right. In a wheelchair like hers, sat Elliot Stabler, big as life. She scarsely recognized the man sitting next to her. He still looked good, very good, considering the fact that he'd just undergone surgery, and was the reason she was alive and sitting here. His face was no longer clean shaven, and he had more than a day's growth on his face- no, he had a beard, scratchy in appearance, yet it went along with him.  
"That's all you have to say?" she stared him down, "Kids, huh?"  
He looked over to her, "Well, I think it would be rude to ask you to say thanks" he grinned.  
If she could've, Olivia would've punched him. Right then and there.  
"It finally took this" she carefully chose her words, "for you to reach out to me?"  
"A lot's been going on, Liv" he glanced out the window momentarily, as if he noticed something. "And I couldn't talk about a lot of it, not then, maybe not even now"  
"Such as?"  
"Casework. Undercover work" he sighed, "It doesn't matter now. Case is over, closed, done with"  
"Don't tell me you had no choice" she knew she sounded bitter. It was how she felt, even though he had literally saved her life.  
"Victor was right" Elliot spoke to the window, not looking at Olivia, "Undercover work is too much to put a family through" he blinked, "No wonder she left"  
"Kathy-" Olivia realized who he meant.  
"It was never about you" he explained, though she hadn't asked. "She thought I left the force"  
"Everyone did" she swallowed.  
"Yeah" he raised his eyebrows for a moment, "That was the idea. Cragen's." he grinned, "Tucker didn't like it"  
"Ed knew?" Olivia's eyes grew wide. This put a new perspective on everything she'd had, every moment she'd spent with Ed Tucker.  
"Word was that Tucker was grooming some Vice detective for an IAB position, didn't want to mess that up. The guy had been undercover for years, decades practically" Elliot spoke of Brian Cassidy, though he didn't seem to know exactly.  
"When- how long- what happened?"  
"Oh, we put him away" Elliot looked at her again, and it was if the missing years had vanished. It was Stabler and Benson, just like it had been. "I guess I did a good job, huh?"  
"How long ago was that?" she pushed ahead  
Elliot hesitated, "A few years"  
"A few years" she repeated, knitting her eyebrows at him. "I can understand your work, the restraints it put on you"  
"I couldn't call you" Elliot explained, "Not then, and it ate away at me, but I could lose the case, everything, if I'd tried to call you back"  
Alright" Olivia spoke slowly, "You still haven't mentioned" she pressed on, "why you never came back, never tried to contact me after the case finished, after everything was clear."  
A beat passed between them.  
Then another.  
"I didn't know how" he finally replied.  
"You could've called, or texted" she implored, "Anything just to know you were alright"  
"I couldn't" he sighed, "I wrote you letters but never sent them. Early on, after the case- I put a small badge in an envelope, but I don't think it even reached you" he sighed, "The longer I waited, the harder it became to imagine even thinking about how to contact you, to talk, to say anything. I just didn't know how to do it. I didn't know what you would think of me, how you would feel about me."  
She stared at him, "You of all people should've known how I felt about you"  
Elliot looked out the window. He blinked  
"How I feel about you." Olivia spoke, though she wasn't sure if he was even listening.  
"Look" he blurted out, "I'm sorry"  
"It's-" she began.  
Ellliot barreled on, "I know you must be angry" he didn't wait for her to respond, the words tumbled out, "I hurt you. I abandoned you and let other men be there for you when-" he broke off abruptly.  
When he should've been the one to be there for her, the words hung unsaid, but understood. Perhaps he was referring to her ordeal with Lewis.  
She waited.  
He said no more and only looked at her.  
"I have only one question" Olivia chose her words carefully, and her speech was measured, for her own sake, lest she lash out in anger and tear her stitches right then and there, "Why."  
Elliot blinked. She went on,  
"I now understood why you left, and how you must've felt, but you stayed away. You stayed away -" she bit her words, "and I called you and called you so many times, sounding like some kind of stalker" the term hung midair. "And everything with-" she couldn't bear to talk about Lewis or her ordeal. "And through everything" she glared at him, "and you had to have known what happened. It was all over the news."  
Elliot stared at his lap, his hands hung on the wheelchair's armrests. "I couldn't, Liv"  
"Don't you dare tell me that, after what happened, after everything, after I – after I thought of only you while -" she blinked back tears.  
"I didn't know how to come back to you" he looked up suddenly and stared into her eyes. "I tried, believe me I tried for years"  
"For years?" she was sarcastic, the tears still shone in her eyes. "So which is it? Being undercover and you couldn't be there for me, or because you didn't know how?" she knew how her words sounded. She didn't care.  
Or rather, she cared too much.


	12. Chapter 12

Olivia Benson blinked. She wasn't blinking back tears, or hurt, or sadness of any kind. Rather, she pushed back the anger, tried her best to keep it in check. Here was the moment she'd dreamed of, literally dreamt of, over countless nights, when other men, like Cassidy or Tucker, had been snoring on the other side of her bed. What had she been thinking, sleeping with them, let along participating in relationships?  
But now, right here, right now, she was sitting quite literally across from the man of her dreams, her nights, and her days; and yet, here she sat, not being able to adequately express herself, not when seething hot lava was boiling within her.  
Elliot had just told her that he didn't know how to come back to her. What sort of answer was that?  
"I'm sorry, Liv" he looked at her, looking into her eyes, searching for something that had once been there; that might still lurk behind those brown orbs.  
"You're sorry?" her words bit him, into him.  
"Look" he sighed, "no matter what I say, it'll never be enough. I- how can I explain everything in only a few minutes. I need more time, and I'm hoping that you'll give me that time" he smiled, showing a hint of teeth.  
Don't do it, don't fall for that look, she chided herself. Yet, still, the man had quite literally saved her from dying, from bleeding out in front of Calvin. She owed him that much.  
"There's nothing I can say that right, about this" she glanced down at her abdomen, "but thank you, seems a good way to start" she smiled briefly.  
"Liv" he began, "there's so much I've got to tell you, so much I want you to know, and – and I can't expect for us to start over, but, it can't hurt for me to ask, right?"  
There was that smile again, she sighed, "El, it's been so long" she face flushed, the emotions waylaying her controlled facial expression, "I've moved on" she glanced back to where she hoped Calvin and Noah were. The two were nowhere to be seen.  
"I've moved on, too" he reached out to take her hand in his. She pulled her hand off the wheelchair's armrest and placed it in her lap. Elliot continued, "I'm divorced, have been for a long time. Work didn't leave a lot of time for dating, not really" his eyes lazily tracked something outside the window.  
Olivia sighed, she seemed to be doing a lot of that, "What do you want me to do? It's been six years, almost seven, and now- I just don't know"  
"Just tell me there's a chance" he reached out and caught her wheelchair's armrest, "We both know I wasn't happy, really honestly happy, with Kathy." It was the first time he'd mentioned her, today, and for a long time since she'd known him, since they'd last spoken.  
"I've got my kids, and they've moved on, too" he continued, "Eli's in fourth grade now, and even he knows that we're not getting back together" he glanced away but spoke to her, "You spend your life thinking that you have everything planned out, marriage, kids, a house, a family, and then, one day, you wake up and you wonder if any of it was real. I'm not perfect, Liv. I've made countless mistakes, but I'd never cheat on Kathy, not like that, not even with-" he broke off abruptly.  
He looked at her again, "But I'm not married now, and as I look at how my kids have been acting, it seems like I'm not the only one who missed you."  
Olivia opened her mouth  
"Don't get me wrong" Elliot didn't let her speak, "They love their mother, but they do know that we haven't been happy, let alone civil, with each other."  
"Elliot" she started, "I'm-" she stopped. What was she really feeling? Scared? Angry? Frustrated? Maybe all of them. She'd spent most of her career at SVU coping with, dealing with, and rationalizing her feelings for Elliot Stabler, the man who'd, as he's said, been her partner "for better or worse", and it had nearly driven her mad. Here was a golden opportunity.  
"Elliot" she blinked, this time, tears welled up, "I've spent so many years feeling this, and having to tell myself that I couldn't, or shouldn't, or that it was the worst thing that I could do, destroy someone's home life, and now- now that you're here, and you're saying these wonderful things, I've got to be honest, with myself as well as you. I don't know how to – I don't know what to do. How can I say yes, and know that something else won't ruin it?"  
"Hey" he smiled, a real smile, the warm, caring smile he seemed to shine whenever she needed a friend, "I don't want to push you. You take as much time as you need."  
"It's not like we're going anywhere" she laughed, and then winced.  
"Hey!" he leaned forward, "Are you – should I get a nurse, a doctor?"  
"No" she looked at him, "I'm alright. In fact, I'm better than that." she took his hand in hers. "I think we'll be alright now"


End file.
